Not Alone
by CanadianInk
Summary: Set after episode 5x17, this is just a short story about Barney's emotional state after he was pulled from the river, and how Ted helped his friend to realize that he is not alone.


The water runs down his back, plastering his suit to his shivering skin, suffocating him, choking him, killing him. He is gasping for breath, palm placed flat against his chest where his heart beats and beats like a frantic rabbit racing towards freedom, and all he can think of is her. Her smile, her hands, her tears, tears caused by him, there because of him. The police are clearing out now, turning with muttered swears and sighs, exasperated at yet another love struck idiot for ruining their night, for dragging them out into the cold night.

Barney sits very still until the last officer has driven away, and then draws his legs up to his chest and rests his head on his knees, closing his eyes to avoid the tears. Closing his eyes to block out the lonely street, the filthy river that couldn't cleanse him of his mistakes, the city that is no longer his home without Robin in it. Ted will be coming to pick him up, he knows. The police are bound to have called his emergency contact, especially after a stunt like the one he had just pulled. He will have to have his broken, crumpled mask back up by then so that he can play it off as one of his many ridiculous drives to sleep with women. He tries it now, pulls his mouth into something that vaguely resembles a smile and tries to smirk, but it falls apart within seconds and he is pinching the bridge of his nose to stop the sudden tears.

"Barney?"

His head snaps up and Ted is there, dark eyes wide and a little scared, his fingers knotted together in apparent anxiety. Shit. Barney had underestimated how fast Ted would arrive, and now he has no time to construct his defences, no time to save face.

"Ted." Barney's voice is wearier than he would have liked, and all he has to offer as reassurance is a weak smile that is more a grimace than anything. Ted steps closer, moving almost as if he is approaching a wild animal, and hesitantly reaches out to touch Barney's shoulder, "Barney, wha - what happened to you? I got a call, they said that you were in the river, that you jumped into the Hudson and they had to pull you out."

Barney simply nods, too tired for anything else, and Ted's hand tightens on his shoulder, fingers digging into the soaked material of his suit.

"Oh - oh my God! Are you alright?! I can't believe… Here, let's get you into my apartment, you need to warm up and get out of that suit before anything else." Ted rambles, pulling an unresponsive Barney to his feet and guiding him down the street. For his part, Barney just shuffles along, shivering violently and clenching his teeth to keep them from chattering. Ted is talking, saying something about the cold, and suddenly there is a warm jacket draped over Barney's shoulders. He huddles further into it, fingers clawing at the fabric to wrap it tighter around himself, to ward off the incessant cold. He hardly notices that they have entered Ted's building, and only acknowledges it by sinking down onto Ted's couch, absolutely exhausted and miserable. Ted stars at him for a moment, the worry clear in his gaze, and then disappears into his room, emerging a minute later with some dry clothes which he hands to Barney.

"Put these on." It is an order and Barney complies before he even realizes that he is doing it. He doesn't even care much that he is exchanging his priceless suit for a pair of sweatpants and a Burger King t-shirt. Ted seems to notice this as well, and his eyebrows furrow in steadily increasing concern. But he stays quiet until Barney is settled once again on the couch, curled up against the armrest like he is trying to disappear. Ted tentatively sits down beside him and dangles his hands between his knees, chewing his lip as he tries to work out what to say.

"I'm not suicidal." Barney blurts out, avoiding Ted's eyes as he stares stubbornly down at the patterns on the couch. Silence follows this statement, until Ted clears his throat, "I didn't say you were."

Barney nods sharply, "Good. Because I'm not."

"I know you're not."

"Good."

""Good."

Another tense silence ensues, stretching out to fill the cracks that are steadily growing in Barney's heart, filling them and then pushing them apart again until his entire being just shatters.

"Why did you jump into the Hudson?" Ted asks carefully, testing the waters. Barney gives a limp shrug and a rather pathetic smirk, "Some hot chick was _this _close to banging me, and all I had to do was take a little swim to show her that I really _was_ an olympic athlete. If the police hadn't showed up and cramped my style then I would be -"

"Cut the crap, Barney!" Ted interrupts sharply, "We both know that's not what happened. Tell me the truth."

Barney sighs and runs his hand through his hair, "Fine. I jumped in because I promised Robin I wouldn't sleep with that chick, and I was having trouble, I was failing, and so I dived into the river. No big deal."

Ted gapes, "No big - No big _deal!?_ Barney, you could have drowned! I'd say that's a pretty big deal!" Barney simply shrugs, too weary to argue with his friend. Ted seems to deflate once it becomes clear that Barney isn't going to reply, and simply lets out a sigh.

"Barney, you need to take better care of yourself! I'm seriously worried about you, and I know that everyone else is too! After…after the bus incident, I just…I've… I can't have anything like that happen to you again, ever. I - _we _\- can't lose you. Got that?"

Barney blinks up at his best friend in total shock, unable to grasp the other man's words, "You…but I thought I was…" Barney trails off, unwilling to finish the sentence. Ted frowns at him, "You thought you were….what?" He prods gently. Barney shrugs, and suddenly he is ten years old again, scared and vulnerable as he huddles into the couch to escape from the grabbing hands and violent actions of the man his mother is currently dating.

"I thought I was expendable. I thought you…didn't care." His words are soft, barely audible and Barney just wants to be somewhere else, anywhere else. He hears Ted's sharp inhale of breath beside him and Barney closes his eyes, ashamed of himself. He doesn't want to admit to his weaknesses, his insecurities, but it seems that he is simply unable to keep his walls up in the state he is in now. Which not only sucks, but is also very not awesome.

A light touch at his elbow startles him and he flinches pulling Ted's hoodie tighter around his quaking frame. He is waiting for Ted to scoff, or to laugh at him, or even worse, to confirm Barney's words and forever cement how useless he really is.

But Ted doesn't do any of that. At first, he doesn't even speak. He merely leans closer to Barney, carefully wrapping his arms around the other man and then pulling him into a tight hug that betrays the absolute panic and terror coursing through Ted's mind at the thought of a life without Barney.

Barney stiffens at first, taken by surprise, and then he simply sags into Ted's embrace, as if unable to hold himself up anymore. Ted takes Barney's weight without a word, shifting so that he can better support his friend as Barney turns his face into Ted's shoulder with a soft whimper. The sound of it breaks Ted's heart, and he tightens his grip.

"T-Ted I'm really scared." Barney chokes out, and he grabs fistfuls of Ted's shirt, as if to anchor himself, "I'm really scared I'm going to be all alone." He takes a stuttering breath and he is tense again, expecting to be thrown away in disgust at his confession. What he isn't expecting is Ted's hand smoothing down his wet hair in a soothing way, or for the slight break in Ted's voice as he speaks, "Barney, we all _love _you. We care - we care _so damn much, _and I - I don't know what my life would be like without you. Robin, she says she doesn't love you anymore, but she _does, _I know she does, and do you know why? Because she confessed it to me, and now she is out on that stupid date with some guy that she latched onto in an attempt to get over you. Marshal and Lily, they love you like you are family, which you practically are, and to me…" Ted's throat closes up and he has to swallow a couple times in order to continue, "…to me, you are my brother. My annoying, hyperactive, playboy brother who doesn't understand that he doesn't need to hide from us, or put up some facade to make us like him. My brother who doesn't know how much he is loved, and who has helped to make me who I am today. That's who you are Barney and we need you, and _God please don't do that again!" _Ted's voice cracks and he buries his face in Barney's hair, revelling in the simple fact that his friend is _alive _and he is _here._

Barney, on the other hand, is in a complete state of shock. He doesn't move, just keeps staring at Ted's shoulder so that he doesn't have to meet his friend's eyes. Hope is starting to blossom inside of him, very, very small but still _there, _and oh God, do they actually care about him? Do they actually need him?

Barney doesn't realize he is crying until Ted starts rocking them both back and forward, gently hushing him and talking in a low, soothing voice. While before, Barney would have drawn back and snorted at the unmanliness of it all, now he just allows Ted to hold him, and he cries. He tries to stutter out his gratitude several times over the next hour, but Ted waves it away, saying he knows, and it is all okay now. It is all okay now, Barney will never have to be alone.

And, for the first time, as Barney is drifting off to sleep on Ted's shoulder, he lets himself think that maybe it really is all okay now.

Maybe he isn't alone.


End file.
